Key Takeaways
- The nervous system has three states: safety, fight/flight, freeze
- Trauma makes the stress system oversensitive
- Small steps toward safety are more effective than big changes
- The body physically needs to release stress
It's 2:37 PM. You're sitting at work and suddenly you feel it again – the heart beating harder, the shoulders tensing, that feeling that something is wrong even though nothing has happened.
Your body has gone into alarm mode. Again. And you don't quite understand why.
Perhaps you recognize this? You're not alone. What you're experiencing is your autonomic nervous system trying to protect you – though perhaps it's doing so a bit too well.
When the body thinks we're in danger
Our nervous system developed thousands of years ago, when real dangers lurked behind every bush. Saber-toothed tigers. Hostile tribes. Starvation.
Today? No tigers. But our ancient protection system doesn't know the difference between an angry email from the boss and a predator. To the body, a threat is a threat.
Polyvagal theory explains why
Researcher Stephen Porges discovered that our autonomic nervous system has three different "gears":
- Ventral vagal – Safety and social connection (we feel good here)
- Sympathetic activation – Fight or flight (stress and action)
- Dorsal vagal – Freeze and collapse (when nothing else works)
How the different states feel in the body
Ventral vagal – "I am safe"
When you're here, you feel:
- Relaxed but alert
- Curious and open
- Easy to connect with others
- Creative and playful
This is where we want to spend most of our time. This is where healing happens.
Sympathetic – "I need to do something!"
Here the body mobilizes energy:
- Heart beats faster
- Breathing becomes shallow
- Muscles tense
- Thoughts race
Not always bad – sometimes we need this energy. But not all the time.
Dorsal vagal – "I give up"
When the system shuts down:
- Emotional numbness
- Extreme fatigue
- Difficulty thinking clearly
- Feeling of hopelessness
An ancient protection when nothing else works. But we don't want to get stuck here.
Where in your body do you feel the most stress right now?
Why do we get stuck in survival modes?
Imagine your nervous system as a smoke detector. After traumatic experiences or prolonged stress, it becomes oversensitive. It alarms at the smallest puff of smoke.
"Trauma is not what happened to you. It's what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you."
Dr. Gabor Maté
When we've been in survival mode for a long time, it becomes our "normal." The body forgets what safety feels like.
Somatic Experiencing: Listening to the body's wisdom
Peter Levine, the creator of Somatic Experiencing, discovered something fascinating when studying wild animals. They experience life-threatening situations daily but rarely develop trauma. Why?
The secret: They physically shake off the stress afterward.
Try this: Pendulation between states
- Notice where in your body you feel tension right now
- Hold your attention there for a few breaths
- Then look for a place that feels neutral or calm
- Gently pendulate between these two places
- Notice what happens...
You might notice that the tension begins to soften on its own. This is the body's own wisdom at work.
Small steps toward greater safety
You don't need to change everything at once. In fact, too-rapid changes can make your nervous system even more vigilant.
Start here:
Orientation
Several times a day, stop and look around you. Let your gaze rest on something beautiful. This signals safety to your nervous system.
Gentle movement
Gently shake your hands. Roll your shoulders. Sway a little. Small movements help energy flow through the system.
Touch
Place one hand on your heart and one on your stomach. Breathe. Say quietly: "I am here. It's okay to feel this."
When professional help can be valuable
If you often feel stuck in survival modes, it may be wise to seek support. A therapist trained in Somatic Experiencing or other body-based methods can help you:
- Build capacity for safety gradually
- Learn to read your body signals
- Develop resources for self-regulation
- Process stuck stress in a safe way
Your body wants the best for you
Next time you feel the stress coming, remember: your body is not trying to sabotage you. It's trying to protect you with the tools it has.
With patience, curiosity, and small steps, you can teach your nervous system that it's safe to relax. That it's okay to just be.
You don't have to be in survival mode anymore. You're allowed to thrive.
